Save Your Heart: Chapter 5
Sep. 15th, 2011 12:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_huffsterTitle: Save Your Heart
Author: the_huffster
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Rating: R
Timeline: Season 8 AU
Synopsis: Instead of dying at the hands of a Twilight controlled Angel, Giles walked away from the crater that was known as Sunnydale. With the seed destroyed at the world changed (again), Buffy and Giles left to England as the rest of the Scoobies adjust to a semi-normal life in their own way. But how will Giles and Buffy's relationship pull through with the issues of Giles' miraculous survival between them?
It had been two weeks since Giles had attempted to talk to Buffy about Angel, but he had finally reached his limit. He was sitting on the couch and kept glancing up form his book to look at her as she played with Indiana on the living room floor. There had been one time when Giles had tried to talk to Buffy about using sex as a weapon, but all that had managed to do was cause a massive argument that ended with the Watcher apologizing for calling Buffy a skank in a roundabout way- although, he was still trying to figure out how he had done that.
“Something on your mind, Giles?” Buffy asked once she realized he had been staring at her for a few minutes.
“Hm?” he raised an eyebrow as he lowered the book.
“You’ve been staring at me for a while now,” she explained, tossing the husky’s stuffed lion. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“You were dreaming last night,” he lowered his gaze to the floor, a brief smile on his lips as Indiana tossed his toy in Giles’ general direction before chasing his tail.
“Yeah, it’s something I do a lot when I sleep.” The Slayer replied, not understanding why he was bringing it up. “You dream too, Giles. Not anything new,”
“It is when you say another man’s name several times,” Giles muttered, swallowing hard as his mind replayed to the sounds he had woken up to. “Buffy, I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be completely honest with me.”
He took a few deep breaths as he prepared himself for whatever was going to happen next.
“Do you wish I was Angel?”
Giles looked up in time to see the blonde look at the floor, her fingers toying with a loose thread on one of their dog’s toys. Silence settled over them as he stared at her, a small part of him hoping she would deny what a part of him had suspected this whole time. When it was clear that she wasn’t going to say anything, the Watcher closed his eyes before continuing.
“Do you hate me?” he whispered, keeping his eyes shut.
“I don’t want to,” her voice was barely audible, the back of her hand swiping a few stray tears. “I know you didn’t plan on it happening, but it still happened and I just wish he was here.”
“Instead of me,” it wasn’t a question, but Buffy nodded her head in agreement anyways. “I’m not going to apologize for surviving. I regret how it happened, but I don’t regret walking away with my life.”
“Why do you deserve to live more than him, Giles?” the Slayer finally looked up at him, a hint of anger in her hazel eyes.
“I didn’t say that, Buffy.” He ran a hand through his hair as he looked at her, feeling his heart begin to break.
“He didn’t have to die. He wouldn’t have if you didn’t come running towards us,” she glared at him, the feelings she had kept to herself for a year finally coming through.
“I was trying to help you…”
“Who said I needed your help? God, did you ever think to trust me enough to handle it myself?” she got to her feet quickly, not paying attention to the small whimper Indiana gave as her sudden movement startled him.
“It had nothing to do with trust,” he told her, getting to his feet as well. “Someone needed to distract Angel long enough for you to destroy the seed.”
“And you automatically decided that person had to be you?” she crossed her arms over her chest.
“I was the only one willing to do it, Buffy. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve always been willing to die for you.” He pointed out, his own anger rising. “You’ve never questioned it before,”
“Maybe that’s because your stupidity didn’t get someone I loved killed! Angel would still be here if you hadn’t tried to be a hero!” she yelled, shaking her head when he opened his mouth to protest. “I thought it would get better as time went on, and I tried so hard to move on. But I look at you and I can’t help but think about Angel turning to dust because of you. And I hate you for surviving, Giles. I don’t want to, but I do.”
Giles stood there and listened to Buffy, nodding his head before turning to leave the room. He was half way to the front door when Buffy’s voice stopped him.
“I always told myself I would stay with you until you showed me you didn’t want me,” he slowly turned to look at her, trying to keep his expression and voice as neutral as possible. “And you basically saying that you wished I had died instead of Angel, that’s reason enough for me to leave. You can continue living here for as long as you wish,”
“You can’t leave me, Giles.” A note of fear rose in her voice as she looked at him. “I never said I wanted us to end,”
“You expect me to stay in a relationship with you when you wish I was someone else?” he shook his head in disbelief. “Do you have any idea what that would do to me?”
“I don’t want to be alone,” she whispered, biting her lower lip.
“Neither do I, but I’m not about to stay in a relationship where I’m not wanted. I would drive myself insane wondering if you were picturing Angel during everything we do,” he pinched the bridge of his nose as a thought occurred to him. “I’d ask you if you imagined it was Angel making love to you instead of me, but I’m sure I know the answer to that. It’s the same reason you never said my name, and the same reason why it was Angel’s name you said in your dream last night.”
He reached for his keys and turned back to the door, pausing when she asked him where he was going.
“Why does it matter to you, Buffy?” he asked, his eyes trained on the ground.
“I don’t know, Giles. Maybe because you have Slayers who want to kill you?” she snapped, kneeling down to prevent Indiana from running out the front door.
“Does it really matter if they find me, Buffy? You already wish I was dead, I would think you’d be happy if they finally got me.” He looked over his shoulder and gave a sad smile when the husky whined at the sight of Giles leaving.
Heaving a sigh, the Watcher walked out the door and closed it behind him.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He pounded on the door again as he stood on the front porch, his eyes focused on the wood beneath his feet. Giles was about to knock again when the door opened and Emily looked at him confused.
“Rupert?” she asked. “It’s nearly midnight, what are you doing here?”
“Can I come in?” he mumbled, doing his best to keep his tears at bay.
“What happened?” she asked as she leaned against the doorframe, knowing better than to invite him in.
“For fuck’s sake,” he growled as he pushed his way into her house and walking towards the kitchen.
Emily rolled her eyes before shutting the door and following her brother. Worry washed over when she watched him pull out the bottle of scotch she kept and pour himself a glass, quickly downing it and pouring another one.
“Rupert, what happened?” she watched as he poured a third glass, sitting at the kitchen table with the bottle next to him.
“Buffy finally talked to me,” he mumbled as he stared at the amber liquid in the glass. “She told me what I had suspected.”
“If you suspected, then why do you look as if someone died?”
“There’s a difference between suspecting something and having it confirmed, Emily.” He knocked back the glass and poured another one. “She wishes I was Angel. She had a fucking sex dream about him with me next to her. Do you know what it’s like to wake up hearing your girlfriend moan another man’s name over and over until she comes?”
Emily just stared at her brother, not knowing what to say. Giles just shook his head and finished the glass, pouring himself another one as he stared at the table’s surface.
“I suppose you would have some idea, though. You walked in on your husband with his cock down another woman’s throat.” He muttered, taking a sip of the scotch. “Do you want to know what the worse thing is?”
“What?” Emily asked, moving the bottle away from him.
“She expected me to stay with her. After she told me that she wished I was Angel, that she hated me and thought I should have died instead, she wanted me to stay with her. All because she doesn’t want to be alone,” he scoffed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m just glad that I didn’t tell her I love her,”
Emily watched him, knowing he wasn’t really looking for conversation. If there was one thing she knew about her brother was that whenever his heart was broken, the thing he wanted most was for someone to listen to him.
“Although, I suppose I asked for this didn’t I?” he looked up at his sister, finally allowing a few tears to fall free. “I just didn’t expect it to hurt so much…”
“It’s her loss, Rupert.” Emily said as she moved to sit next to him, pulling him into her arms when he wiped at his tears. “If you want my opinion, you’re better off without her. You deserve so much better than to be someone’s replacement,”
Giles just continued to swipe at his tears, allowing his sister to hold him until he had gotten a control of his tears. He pulled away and stared at the half empty glass, pushing it away after a few moments.
“I should get going,” he muttered as he pushed himself to his feet, looking down and giving Emily a smile. “Thanks for listening, Em.”
“Oh no,” Emily shook her head and pulled Giles’s arm to keep him from leaving the house. “You are in no condition to drive. You’re staying here,”
“Emily…” he sighed, allowing her to lead him to the guest room even as he protested.
“There’s plenty of room here for you, and we both know that your flat isn’t in any condition for you to sleep in tonight.” She told him as she shoved him into the guest room. “And you don’t need to go back to the estate right now.”
Giles just shook his head in defeat before he gave his sister a smile.
“Thank you, Em.” He said before pulling her into a hug, kissing the side of her head.
“You don’t have to thank me, Ru.” She said as she hugged him back. “How many times were you there for me when I had my heart broken? Even when you were all the way in Sunnydale, you were still there for me. Good night.”
Giles smiled as he let her go, making his way to the bed and flopping on to it. As he fell asleep, a part of him hoped that it had all been a bad dream and he would wake up in the morning with Buffy next to him.
Author: the_huffster
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Rating: R
Timeline: Season 8 AU
Synopsis: Instead of dying at the hands of a Twilight controlled Angel, Giles walked away from the crater that was known as Sunnydale. With the seed destroyed at the world changed (again), Buffy and Giles left to England as the rest of the Scoobies adjust to a semi-normal life in their own way. But how will Giles and Buffy's relationship pull through with the issues of Giles' miraculous survival between them?
It had been two weeks since Giles had attempted to talk to Buffy about Angel, but he had finally reached his limit. He was sitting on the couch and kept glancing up form his book to look at her as she played with Indiana on the living room floor. There had been one time when Giles had tried to talk to Buffy about using sex as a weapon, but all that had managed to do was cause a massive argument that ended with the Watcher apologizing for calling Buffy a skank in a roundabout way- although, he was still trying to figure out how he had done that.
“Something on your mind, Giles?” Buffy asked once she realized he had been staring at her for a few minutes.
“Hm?” he raised an eyebrow as he lowered the book.
“You’ve been staring at me for a while now,” she explained, tossing the husky’s stuffed lion. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“You were dreaming last night,” he lowered his gaze to the floor, a brief smile on his lips as Indiana tossed his toy in Giles’ general direction before chasing his tail.
“Yeah, it’s something I do a lot when I sleep.” The Slayer replied, not understanding why he was bringing it up. “You dream too, Giles. Not anything new,”
“It is when you say another man’s name several times,” Giles muttered, swallowing hard as his mind replayed to the sounds he had woken up to. “Buffy, I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be completely honest with me.”
He took a few deep breaths as he prepared himself for whatever was going to happen next.
“Do you wish I was Angel?”
Giles looked up in time to see the blonde look at the floor, her fingers toying with a loose thread on one of their dog’s toys. Silence settled over them as he stared at her, a small part of him hoping she would deny what a part of him had suspected this whole time. When it was clear that she wasn’t going to say anything, the Watcher closed his eyes before continuing.
“Do you hate me?” he whispered, keeping his eyes shut.
“I don’t want to,” her voice was barely audible, the back of her hand swiping a few stray tears. “I know you didn’t plan on it happening, but it still happened and I just wish he was here.”
“Instead of me,” it wasn’t a question, but Buffy nodded her head in agreement anyways. “I’m not going to apologize for surviving. I regret how it happened, but I don’t regret walking away with my life.”
“Why do you deserve to live more than him, Giles?” the Slayer finally looked up at him, a hint of anger in her hazel eyes.
“I didn’t say that, Buffy.” He ran a hand through his hair as he looked at her, feeling his heart begin to break.
“He didn’t have to die. He wouldn’t have if you didn’t come running towards us,” she glared at him, the feelings she had kept to herself for a year finally coming through.
“I was trying to help you…”
“Who said I needed your help? God, did you ever think to trust me enough to handle it myself?” she got to her feet quickly, not paying attention to the small whimper Indiana gave as her sudden movement startled him.
“It had nothing to do with trust,” he told her, getting to his feet as well. “Someone needed to distract Angel long enough for you to destroy the seed.”
“And you automatically decided that person had to be you?” she crossed her arms over her chest.
“I was the only one willing to do it, Buffy. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve always been willing to die for you.” He pointed out, his own anger rising. “You’ve never questioned it before,”
“Maybe that’s because your stupidity didn’t get someone I loved killed! Angel would still be here if you hadn’t tried to be a hero!” she yelled, shaking her head when he opened his mouth to protest. “I thought it would get better as time went on, and I tried so hard to move on. But I look at you and I can’t help but think about Angel turning to dust because of you. And I hate you for surviving, Giles. I don’t want to, but I do.”
Giles stood there and listened to Buffy, nodding his head before turning to leave the room. He was half way to the front door when Buffy’s voice stopped him.
“I always told myself I would stay with you until you showed me you didn’t want me,” he slowly turned to look at her, trying to keep his expression and voice as neutral as possible. “And you basically saying that you wished I had died instead of Angel, that’s reason enough for me to leave. You can continue living here for as long as you wish,”
“You can’t leave me, Giles.” A note of fear rose in her voice as she looked at him. “I never said I wanted us to end,”
“You expect me to stay in a relationship with you when you wish I was someone else?” he shook his head in disbelief. “Do you have any idea what that would do to me?”
“I don’t want to be alone,” she whispered, biting her lower lip.
“Neither do I, but I’m not about to stay in a relationship where I’m not wanted. I would drive myself insane wondering if you were picturing Angel during everything we do,” he pinched the bridge of his nose as a thought occurred to him. “I’d ask you if you imagined it was Angel making love to you instead of me, but I’m sure I know the answer to that. It’s the same reason you never said my name, and the same reason why it was Angel’s name you said in your dream last night.”
He reached for his keys and turned back to the door, pausing when she asked him where he was going.
“Why does it matter to you, Buffy?” he asked, his eyes trained on the ground.
“I don’t know, Giles. Maybe because you have Slayers who want to kill you?” she snapped, kneeling down to prevent Indiana from running out the front door.
“Does it really matter if they find me, Buffy? You already wish I was dead, I would think you’d be happy if they finally got me.” He looked over his shoulder and gave a sad smile when the husky whined at the sight of Giles leaving.
Heaving a sigh, the Watcher walked out the door and closed it behind him.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He pounded on the door again as he stood on the front porch, his eyes focused on the wood beneath his feet. Giles was about to knock again when the door opened and Emily looked at him confused.
“Rupert?” she asked. “It’s nearly midnight, what are you doing here?”
“Can I come in?” he mumbled, doing his best to keep his tears at bay.
“What happened?” she asked as she leaned against the doorframe, knowing better than to invite him in.
“For fuck’s sake,” he growled as he pushed his way into her house and walking towards the kitchen.
Emily rolled her eyes before shutting the door and following her brother. Worry washed over when she watched him pull out the bottle of scotch she kept and pour himself a glass, quickly downing it and pouring another one.
“Rupert, what happened?” she watched as he poured a third glass, sitting at the kitchen table with the bottle next to him.
“Buffy finally talked to me,” he mumbled as he stared at the amber liquid in the glass. “She told me what I had suspected.”
“If you suspected, then why do you look as if someone died?”
“There’s a difference between suspecting something and having it confirmed, Emily.” He knocked back the glass and poured another one. “She wishes I was Angel. She had a fucking sex dream about him with me next to her. Do you know what it’s like to wake up hearing your girlfriend moan another man’s name over and over until she comes?”
Emily just stared at her brother, not knowing what to say. Giles just shook his head and finished the glass, pouring himself another one as he stared at the table’s surface.
“I suppose you would have some idea, though. You walked in on your husband with his cock down another woman’s throat.” He muttered, taking a sip of the scotch. “Do you want to know what the worse thing is?”
“What?” Emily asked, moving the bottle away from him.
“She expected me to stay with her. After she told me that she wished I was Angel, that she hated me and thought I should have died instead, she wanted me to stay with her. All because she doesn’t want to be alone,” he scoffed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m just glad that I didn’t tell her I love her,”
Emily watched him, knowing he wasn’t really looking for conversation. If there was one thing she knew about her brother was that whenever his heart was broken, the thing he wanted most was for someone to listen to him.
“Although, I suppose I asked for this didn’t I?” he looked up at his sister, finally allowing a few tears to fall free. “I just didn’t expect it to hurt so much…”
“It’s her loss, Rupert.” Emily said as she moved to sit next to him, pulling him into her arms when he wiped at his tears. “If you want my opinion, you’re better off without her. You deserve so much better than to be someone’s replacement,”
Giles just continued to swipe at his tears, allowing his sister to hold him until he had gotten a control of his tears. He pulled away and stared at the half empty glass, pushing it away after a few moments.
“I should get going,” he muttered as he pushed himself to his feet, looking down and giving Emily a smile. “Thanks for listening, Em.”
“Oh no,” Emily shook her head and pulled Giles’s arm to keep him from leaving the house. “You are in no condition to drive. You’re staying here,”
“Emily…” he sighed, allowing her to lead him to the guest room even as he protested.
“There’s plenty of room here for you, and we both know that your flat isn’t in any condition for you to sleep in tonight.” She told him as she shoved him into the guest room. “And you don’t need to go back to the estate right now.”
Giles just shook his head in defeat before he gave his sister a smile.
“Thank you, Em.” He said before pulling her into a hug, kissing the side of her head.
“You don’t have to thank me, Ru.” She said as she hugged him back. “How many times were you there for me when I had my heart broken? Even when you were all the way in Sunnydale, you were still there for me. Good night.”
Giles smiled as he let her go, making his way to the bed and flopping on to it. As he fell asleep, a part of him hoped that it had all been a bad dream and he would wake up in the morning with Buffy next to him.
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Date: 2011-09-15 07:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-15 01:42 pm (UTC)Can't wait tor read more XD
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Date: 2011-09-15 03:00 pm (UTC)Wondering where you plan to go with this-- as it stands, Buffy's got a lot of work to do before she can come anywhere close to deserving anything from Giles. :P
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Date: 2011-09-15 09:42 pm (UTC)