Fic: Signal Fire

[the_huffster]

Title: Signal Fire
Author: the_huffster
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Rating: PG-13
Timeline: About five months after You Could be Happy
Synopsis: When everything's lost, sometimes it's best to start again


Giles was looking at the book he was holding, a small smile on his face. It wasn’t anything particularly important or related to the Hellmouth, but he was still excited to have the book. He chuckled to himself, knowing that reading anything written by Stephen King for pleasure should seem ridiculous to him considering what he dealt with. Or what he had dealt with, at any rate. Giles wasn’t exactly active on the Hellmouth anymore. There was no reason to be when his Slayer was going as if he was just a stranger. If it wasn’t for Willow and Xander, he was sure that he wouldn’t know how Buffy was doing these days.

He shook his head and continued walking towards his apartment. He wasn’t going to think about Buffy, not today. Today he was going to read his new book, watch a movie, and just…

“Giles?”

The Watcher froze when he heard the voice. He closed his eyes, trying to figure out why she had to walk back into his life on this day. He heard her walk closer to him and opened his eyes, willing himself to keep his temper under control.

“Hey,” Buffy said softly as she stood in front of him, her eyes drifting to the book in his hand. “Stephen King? Really, Giles?”

“Why does it matter to you what I read in my spare time, Buffy?” he asked as he held the book behind his back.

“I wasn’t trying to upset you,” she sighed and took a small step back when she saw how tense he was. “How are you?”

Giles let out a small, humorless laugh at the question. He shook his head and rolled his eyes when he saw how serious she was. “You’re asking me how am I after not talking to me for five months?”

“Look, I know how that seems but I wanna make up for how I’ve been treating you.” The blonde explained, holding up a hand when he went to speak. “I know I didn’t handle any of it well and that you didn’t deserve how I treated you…”

He scoffed as he listened to her.

“But I’ve been talking to people and…I just wanna say I’m sorry.”

Giles stared at her, unable to understand what she had told him. He ran his fingers through his hair before shaking his head slightly.

“You won’t talk to me about what happened, but you’ll talk with complete strangers?” he rolled his eyes and began walking back towards his apartment.

“Giles, would you listen for a minute?” Buffy grabbed his hand and turned him to face her. “I just recently started going to a support group. Pretending he didn’t exist didn’t really work out like I thought it would,”

“I could have told you that.”

“I’m on my way to the group now,” she ignored his comment and looked at him. “You should come with. Hearing these people who went through the same thing as us, it’ll help. Especially today. Please Giles.”

He looked at her and sighed. Nearly a year without seeing or talking to her, and he still couldn’t refuse her anything. Giles nodded his head and tried to ignore the small skip his heart did at the smile she gave him. They walked towards the community center and sat down in two empty foldout chairs. The Watcher tried to ignore the knowing looks the small group was giving him, his hand reaching for his glasses so he could clean them.

For an hour, Giles sat and listened to someone from the group talk about losing a child and the aftermath of it all. He gathered he was the only new person from the way everyone was talking to each other, but the way they were looking at him and comforting him as Buffy talked told him that he was well known in the group. He tried to compose himself as he listened to Buffy talk, grateful when the session ended and everyone got up to do whatever they wanted while drinking the poor excuse for coffee.

Giles had been planning on leaving the room as fast as he could, but found his path blocked by the young man who had been looking at him more than anyone else.

“So you’re Rupert,” he held out his hand. “I’m Luke. We’ve heard a lot about you since Buffy joined us, and I’m glad you finally decided to check us out.”

“I won’t be coming back, so don’t go and give your usual welcome speech.” Giles told him.

“That’s fine, people cope in their own ways.” Luke said, giving him an understanding smile.

“I don’t know what she’s told you, but until today she hasn’t spoken to me since she left. Whatever story she’s told you…”

“I know she hasn’t talked to you, we all know.” The young man cut him off. “She’s only told us the truth. She’s told us about the fights that followed the miscarriage, the day she left…she told us about how she made it to where you couldn’t talk about your son with or around her.”

Giles just stared at him, narrowing his eyes slightly. “Yes, well…I’m glad she can take comfort in strangers rather than the father of her child.”

“Don’t be too hard on her,” Luke gestured for the older man to follow him, leading him to two chairs that were separate from everyone else before pulling out his wallet and showing him a picture of a grinning seven year old. “That’s my son, Tyler. He would’ve been twelve this year if a drunk driver hadn’t killed him.”

Giles looked at the picture before handing it back.

“After Tyler died, this fell a part for me and my ex-wife. Much like things did for you and Buffy. While we didn’t throw things at each other, I became an alcoholic and ended up telling my ex it was her fault our son was dead.” Luke explained, shaking his head when he saw Giles open his mouth. “I told her if she hadn’t taken Tyler to a night showing of a new movie, then they wouldn’t have been on the road with the guy who ended up hitting them. We divorced shortly after that.

“A few months after the divorce, I eventually stopped drinking. And until last year, I hadn’t spoken to my ex-wife.” Luke continued, smiling at the picture of his son before putting it away. “Last year I realized that it wasn’t my ex’s fault. It was just really shitty luck that it happened, and I manned up and apologized to her. And we talked about it and now we’re friends.”

The young man looked at Giles and glanced at Buffy.

“The point of my story, Rupert, is that you can’t blame her for what happened. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Think about forgiving her,”

Giles looked at the young man before standing up and rubbing the back of his neck. He muttered a soft “excuse me” and walked as fast as he could out of the community center. He shook his head as he made his way back to his apartment. He knew that Luke’s story was meant to help him some way, but it didn’t. If anything, it had angered him. Buffy was the reason their relationship failed after she lost their son; it had nothing to with him. He had done nothing but try and be there for her, and all she did was push him away and act as if nothing had happened. There was no blame for why she lost the baby; however, there was blame for the months after the miscarriage. He could forgive Buffy for breaking his heart; after all he knew it would happen at some point. But Giles could not, and would not, forgive her for pretending their son had never existed.

He entered his apartment and placed his book on the desk, pausing to look at the taped ultrasound picture. A small smile came to his face as he looked at one of the few pictures of his son. He had kept it leaning against the framed photo of him and Buffy, creating the only family photo he could have.

Just as he had settled on the couch, there was a knock on his door. Giles sighed softly before getting up and preparing to tell whoever it was that he didn’t want any visitors. As soon as the door opened, any words he had planned left him.

“Buffy, what are you doing here?” he asked as his gripped tightened on the doorknob.

“You shouldn’t be alone today,” was all she said before making her way into the apartment.

Giles rolled his eyes and turned around to tell her that she needed to leave. Once again, he kept his words to himself when he saw her staring at the picture frame on his desk. He softly closed the door and walked over to her, staring at the pictures as well.

“You kept it.” She whispered.

“Of course I did. Why would I get rid of it?”

“You ripped it up,” Buffy pointed out softly.

 “And I regretted it as soon as I did it.” He turned to look at her, not sure what to say.

They stood looking at one another for some time, too afraid to speak and set the other off by saying the wrong thing. Buffy was the first to look away, walking closer to the desk to examine the contents on the surface. Giles watched her as she ran her finger over the photo of their son carefully. She picked up the framed picture of her and Giles and smiled softly.

“This was your birthday,” she said softly.

“That was the day you told me you loved me,”

Buffy nodded as she looked back at the photo. It was a simple picture really- they were both snuggled up on bed, the glare he was giving her ruined by the smile on his face. She had ran into the apartment that morning and woken him up from a peaceful sleep by singing “Happy Birthday” as loud as she could before climbing into bed with him and taking the photo. She set the picture down and narrowed her eyes when she noticed something.

“Why do you still have this?”

He didn’t need to ask her what she was talking about. There were very few objects on his desk.

“Because it helps remind me that we were happy once,” Giles said as he walked closer to the desk, his eyes trained on the engagement ring.

“I’m sorry, Giles.” She whispered as she turned to look at him. “You know how I get. I don’t do well with death. Look how I acted when Mom died, and this…losing him was just…”

He pulled her into his arms and held her close, his heart breaking when he heard her sob. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, mumbling about how sorry she was for ruining them and pushing him away. The two stood like that for a while before Buffy was able to get herself under enough control to have a proper conversation.

“I don’t like this,” she looked up at him, smiling slightly at the puzzled look he gave her. “Us not talking, not being…us anymore. I just thought that maybe if…if I wasn’t around you so much it would be easier. That today would be easier, but…it’s not. Knowing that today we would’ve been able to hold him and being alone, it’s not easier.”

“I know, Buffy.” Giles whispered as he held her again, kissing the top of her head. “It’s going to be okay, I promise. I’m right here.”

When he heard her mumble a soft “I love you”, he held her tighter and returned the sentiment.

Comments

[demonbrat-98.livejournal.com]

Thank you for making it a little better!

[houseluva.livejournal.com]

Wonderful, thank you for sharing. I've read it twice already, once with Signal Fire playing in the background, and once without. Thank you for making my Sunday better. :] Looking forward to more fics from you.

[lynnylou.livejournal.com]

Well it nice to see that Buffy was getting some help dealing with her issues and she is reaching out to help Giles as well. Still sad but now there is hope. You could totally take this farther such a good story line. Thanks for sharing!

[the-huffster.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking about taking it further.

And I'm glad you enjoyed

[will-conqueror1.livejournal.com]

Yay. You finished. I like it. Definitely less angsty than the last one. I'm not sure my heart can handle much more angst.

[autumngirl17.livejournal.com]

This is really really good. Please continue!